To my dearest,
Charlesz Omi Haydenburg.

Hi. Hello. :)
Long time no see, Mi. :)
Yes, long time no see. It is really a long time we haven't see each other.
Every each day passed, I just....
I don't know what to say Mi. I don't know what to write.
I'm trying not to cry here, not in the office. Not now.

How lonely I can be, Mi?
How lonesome I can be?
I am lonely. For a fucking two and a half year I am lonely. And then you come.
There gone the loneliness.
But how come, Mi.
How come the loneliness come back and haunting me, again?

Understanding.
Our very first rule in this relationship. And you know how much I love this relationship.
Both of us trying to understand each other business, trying to understand that;
"Dear, I am so busy right now. Please understand."
Yes, we did it Mi.
We did.
Until now.

I know we're both tired Mi.
We're both sick of trying to understand.
Or is it just me?
How lonely I could be, Omi?

The moment we talked for 2 hours back on the phone.
The moment when we agreed that, "We may break up. But if we destined to be,
Then there we'll be back together, again."
Is it time, Mi?
Is it our time to stop?

Funny, Mi.
It's funny when we think about what will happen if we do break up.
When I said "maybe I will not involve myself into a relationship again for a long time."
It's a fact.
It can easily come true.

But when you say "Me too."
It is just a total lie, Mi.
It's a bullshit.
It cannot come fucking true.

I mean, every time we hang out together
There's something, deep inside
Deep in my heart telling me.
"I don't deserve to be with this man."
"He is perfect. So perfect."
"Too perfect for a girl like me."
"I don't deserve to be with him. At all."

What do I have Mi? What do I own??
Nothing, Mi. Nothing.
Personality? I'm damn selfish. Moody. Easily angry.
Good looks? Haha. I know I'm ugly Mi. I AM.
I have nothing.
Compared to you, I just don't fit.
I don't fit in to be your girlfriend.

And why, why your words cannot come true?
Oh God in heaven. Everyone knows you can get another, better, girl in just few hours if you want to.

Back to the time when you said, when I told you I'm not attractive enough for boys,
"Best apples is placed on the top of the tree.
The one who can get the best apple must have courage
Courage to climb, to fall, to try again
Then, then the one can have the best apple.
Best apples placed so high,
Unlike any other bad apples which placed so down low,
So easy to take, and so easy also to dump."

Even the best apple, if they wait for too long.
They will rot, Mi.

And I'm not even a best apple.
I'm just an apple which falls to the ground
Buried beneath old, died leaves.

When my friends saw your photo
When they said "hey, he dated you to cover up his real relationship with other girl"
I know they're joking. (or maybe they are not?)
I'll laugh. Yes, I laughed such a joke.
But deep inside.
It hurts me so bad.
It scars me deeply.

To think how I DON'T deserves you
And how you deserve a better, even better girl
It just ruin me, Mi.
It kills me. Every time.

I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.


Deepest love,
Levi.